.:I have time to do these things.. Wow!:.

Dear readers,

It's so weird to be the only one in the office (apart from the nice cleaner lady who by the way treats me like a son). I guess it gives me time to reflect on what has been a turbulent year for me.

I never knew I'd be sitting here typing this back in January. Back in January, I still had my life all planned out. I was going to get married to the woman I've loved since 2001, the person I had been betrothed to since 2002, the person I had trusted the most, my best friend, my life. I was doing my courseworks, my thesis, studying hard, trying to make the grade, trying to build a life so I could make her & and the family I'll have happy and secure.

In February, I discovered that what you thought was a white lie, one you made simply to protect the feelings of your loved ones, may end up hurting them the most.

March seemed to fly by quickly, at least after I've managed (or so I thought) to apologise for my mistake. It was in this month I think, that I found out that she had to have surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. was so worried but she told me it was just a minor op. With the benefit of hindsight (such a useless tool in my opinion), I should've rushed back to Malaysia to be with her (and maybe I should've brought along a hockey stick or some other blunt and potentially-death-dealing instrument), but I believed her words, then. How foolish of me.

In April, i was struggling to study and to complete my by-now-approaching-mythical-proportions thesis. i was shooting back and forth from my study desk to the National Archives to the British Library for those rare books and manuscripts.

In May, i sat for my exams. Felt sick and tired of US Constitutional Law but persevered anyway. Su-Yin called to see whether I wanted an interview for my current job. I went through the whole shebang and managed to secure the job, obviously.

In June, I discovered that she actually had one of her ovaries removed. i freaked out, obviously. Felt guilty about not being there. Rushed home as soon as I could. I thought I was coming home to my best friend, but in truth I felt as if i was not needed in her life, as if Iw as no longer important. Many fights ensued, mainly because I could not understand what was going on.

In July, my world fell apart. Enough said.

In August, I came back to work. Put my head down and worked my ass off. Kept telling myself that I will never break. Not for anyone.

In September, I met Farah. Well, I didn't exactly meet her. One should never doubt the effectiveness of the Internet as a means of connecting two people who have never heard of each other before, eh Nads? Experienced the best Ramadhan I've ever had. Alhamdulillah.

Throughout October - November, I was happy, because I've found someone who I think would be perfect for me, with the perfect mix of sass, humility, positivity and faith. But I was afraid that I might not be good enough for her.

In December, I found out I was wrong. =) Thanks, dear.

That's my yearly review over and done with. On the news front, I've developed renal colic (a precursor to kidney stones for those of you without medical inclinations - probably about 90% of you readers), so am on continuous medication currently... always have to remind myself to drink loads of water. Also, I've managed to win a prize for my third year LLB. Alhamdulillah.... apparently my name was read out at the graduation ceremony. Pity I wasn't there to receive the honour. Oh well..


It's been a great year. Looking forward to the next one, though let's hope it's less traumatic than the middle portion of 2005! =)

PS: I have an inkling that it might actually be so so so so much better... here's hoping!



Regards,

Ahmad