Am I needy?

Shut up Nadia.

I am needy. I need to feel that I make a difference to someone. Note the keyword there. Someone. I need a pat on the back from everyone who knows me about as much as I need a thick woollen sweater on a blisteringly hot KL afternoon. What I need is someone to fall back on, the rock that keeps me sane when things go belly-up.

I think its quite firmly established that I am rather needy. However, is it such a bad thing? Is it such a bad thing to want to be appreciated? Or is it just because I am a guy, I'm supposed to be strong one, and provide the wall for you when you need it? What happens when the wall itself is feeling weak? Should you then just hold up your hands and say, "whoa! I ain't gonna hold you up, dude!"?

Why am I this way? I don't know. Maybe deep down, I'm not too happy with who I am. Deep down, I'm ungrateful, I think. True, my life never turned out the way I wanted it to, but it's great where I am now. Okay, there are certain difficulties, certain thorny bushes here and there that I've somehow managed to fall into, but I'll deal with them, like I've always done.

Or maybe I'm just feeling insecure because I've not received my paycheque. Bah!

It's FFFFFFRIDAY!!!

It's sad. I know. I now know what it means when people say TGIF. I believe.

Started off well enough. Got to work pretty early thanks to a combination of good luck (green lights all the way in Jln Sultan Ismail! Woohoo!!) and radical driving skillz (really). I then managed to muck it all up by a fiasco with the supervising analyst (SA) and Miss P over the morning daily (don't ask. It's... complicated.)Ahh... the joys of being an RA who knows absolutely bollocks about this industry.

Will be seeing Gosh tonight after his recent adventures of the engaging kind in Terengganu. Would be cool to see him in a different light. Hope I'll be able to pop by Nim's place before I head off to Melaka to do the family thang.

I work with a model

A financial model that is. One that hasn't been updated since 1999. And has macros all over the place. And was not actually created by the analyst that is currently using it.

All this means that when the shit hits the fan and you can't figure out the problem (it's probably because of the macros), you'll probably have to start from scratch if God forbid you had forgotten to save the file before you f**ked up. Sigh. And here I am, the serial f**ker-upper.

Please pardon my French. I'm tired and cranky. And it doesn't really help that it's still only Tuesday and I can't see the weekend through the mist of numbers on my 14' screen.

Typical working day

6.00 am - alarm goes off

6.01 am - hit 'off' button

6.10 am - second alarm goes off

6.11 am - hit 'off' button

6.35 am - finally wake up, realise that you're so damned late that you probably don't even have time to put on any underwear, and THEN discover that you don't have any clean boxers because you haven't done the laundry because the damned washing machine decided it was high time to make that trip to machine heaven.

6.45 am - out of the house, commando-style.

7.00 am - reach office. Discover you left your swipe card at home in your haste. A bout of unmitigated swearing ensues.

7.15 am - Finally get in the office. Traders start yelling at you because the news was supposed to be out by 7.15. Well.. that wouldn't be so bad if you actually had something prepared. But nooooo... you HAD to leave it to the last minute.

7.40 am - news gets out. Finally

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Oh fuck it. It's 9 pm and I'm still in the office. This thing would take too damn long to finish. I'm going home.

I'm so sleepy

Been this way for the past couple of days. The weekend seems so short. I love my job, but it's just too damned tiring. Maybe I'll get used to it after a while.

Don't have much to write about. Haven't done any deep thinking lately, been too absorbed with continuing commitments with Mssrs DB and Copeland in the office and at home respectively.

A month and a half to go till the wedding. With this sedentary lifestyle of mine, how the hell am I going to get tanned??

Reads: One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Current Theme Song: "Beverly Hills" by Weezer