SCARY SHIT

Today I did some thinking (pause for the statutory round of applause on that remarkable achievement). I am so scared of getting married. There is so much out there that I have no idea about, no control over, and regardless of how much I try to prepare for it, I'll probably still be caught with my pants down (pause for the statutory cringe due to extremely vivid imagery employed). For instance, my career is not sorted out, though steps have been taken to remedy that situation. We don't know where we're going to stay after the whole wedding brouhaha has passed over, we don't know this, we don't know that, we don't know squat.

However, I've come to the realisation that, as scared as I am, and I AM scared shitless, this is something I have to do. I've found the person I love, more than any other person in this world, and I'm not going to let the chance to spend the rest of my days making her feel the same pass me by simply on account of this yellow streak running from the tip of my head all the way to my ar*e. To lose out on this opportunity of a lifetime on account of being scared is cowardly. Sure, there may be bumps ahead, hell, we've gone through enough bumps in the road even before we're married, but Hanim, being the wonderful woman she is, has gone through all that for me, for the sake of what we could become. If I am too much of a poltroon not to want to do the same for her, then any plea for clemency on my part should fall on deaf ears. Period.

Aahh, the wonders of love, the cynics may say, "You'll find out soon enough that married life isn't just a bed of roses". I agree. I agree completely. But I'd rather spend my life trying to pull out the thorns that pieced my skin than be the person laughing from a distance at my foolishness in getting into that thorny rose bush, but never being close enough themselves to stop and enjoy the scent.

Love is like a blue pillow. Most of the time it's nice and soft, but sometimes it's liable to hurt you. Badly. Really badly. But still, you can't sleep without a pillow now, can you? Well, you can, but it'd be too uncomfortable. But then again I DO know some people who like sleeping without pillows. Maybe they're just masochists.. hmm.. But I'm sure most people like sleeping with pillows. Or do they?

As a friend once said, I am the only person she knows who could have a conversation with himself, and still lose.

Current read: Sealy, Cases and Materials on Company Law

Financial status: Loaded, but pretending to be broke, so much so that I believe it myself!