.:Message in a bottle:.

Dear reader,

I hope this message finds you well and safe. Safe from the horrors that leave me awake at night, every single tick of the clock magnified a thousandfold into the beating of an undead heart, booming, overriding any impulse nor desire for sleep.

You see, dear readers, I am haunted. There. It is said and done. I will now await the men bearing chains and a straitjacket. He is mad! they say. Yet they know not. I will prove them wrong!

Behold, gentle readers! the demon that haunts me!!!


I believe it prefers the shape of a very studious and analytically-minded green frog-thing. As the following picture shows, it started haunting me even back in my old accommodations... always watching, always waiting...


Curse ye! Ye demon from the depths of madness!

Post scriptum: the author of the above note has since been incarcerated for his own safety. Oddly, he keeps mentioning the green demon is awaiting the return of the yellow angel. For some assuredly strange reason. I think.

Reads: Genghis Khan: Life, Death & Reincarnation by John Man

.:Ramadhan:.

Hi there Constant Readers!

Hooray!! It's that time of the year again. Yup. Ramadhan. The fasting month for Muslims world-wide. In and of itself, the month is a special one. However, over the last couple of years, it's significance has really grown on me. It is in this month that one recharges one's spiritual batteries for the rest of the year. And boy, do I need some recharging.

Ramadhan Mubarak, dear readers! May this be the best Ramadhan ever for you!

.:Ships and Power Generators Don't Mix:.

Dear Constant Reader,

How have you been? I know it's been a while since I updated this blog, but in the meantime, a lot of things have been happening. Just so you know, I've settled into my job here at Nomura, halfway through my coverage. Passed my licensing exams already, so should not be long before I get my aforesaid license. Managed to spectacularly fail CFA Level II (Note to self: find your studying hat and dump it on your noggin, please). Bought Farah's wedding ring and other miscellaneous jewellery to go along with it. Moved to a new place (actually just the apartment one floor up), which incidentally has air-conditioning (yay! the marvels of modern technology!)... etc etc.

Oh yeah, I've also bought a house in Rawang.

Now, before any of you decide to pipe up and scream, "Rawang??!! That's like, in the county next to the traffic sign and up the ramp that leads to the middle of Nowhere, Malaysia!!", I do freely admit that it's miles from anywhere. However, I kind of like it that way. I don't really want my children to grow up in KL. I'm a kampung guy at heart, and as much as you try to outrun it, you can never really escape who you truly are. So I long for the clear skies, tall shady trees, streets unspoilt by the roar of speeding cars, open spaces where my children can roll around on the grass and get scruffy while Farah (who will be Mrs Ahmad by then, Insya-Allah) nags them to death for soiling their newly-washed pants while I watch with a smile, knowing that I'll soon have to reproach the boys in front of their mother. of course, I was the one who gave them permission to roll around in the first place, but their mother doesn't need to know that.

Oopss.

Amidst this complex web we weave every single day, with every single person that we meet, I long for a simpler life. I yearn for that which makes me whole. Not money, I certainly have enough of that. Not style, I think I'm adequately endowed when it comes to that. Not love, I am lucky enough to be loved unconditionally by the woman of my dreams.

I long for peace, to be honest. Luckily, Ramadhan is around the corner; a chance to find peace, and seek solace from the Eternal Love, once again.


Reads: The War of the World, Niall Ferguson

.:A month of brain-rotting:.

Hey there Constant Reader,

I have officially resigned from Deutsche Bank, although my last day will be this Friday June 29th. Friends & acquaintances who would like to celebrate this closing of a chapter in my life are more than welcome to a round of drinks somewhere in KLCC. But please, bring your own credit-card. =)

By the by, I will be joining Nomura Securities as a research analyst from Aug 1...

One whole month's worth of free time! Actually, when you consider the fact that I have to sit for my SC exams, and also find time to get my wedding stuff sorted (although the wedding itself is due in July next year, this is probably the only window I have to get things sorted before then), and also get up to speed with my coverage, I do not think I'll have that much time to rot my brains away to be honest.

Farah's back in town! Yay!!!

Mood: Happy!
Reads: How to win friends & influence people, Dale Carnegie.

.:No worries:.

Dear readers,

Lately this song has been playing in my head. It's probably a children's song, but I guess I could learn a thing or two from it. After all, what's the point of worrying about the challenges coming up, when in truth it is all part and parcel of Allah's plan for me? For indeed, Allah is sufficient for me, and the best of Protectors.

Heading off to Singapore for a two-week stint soon, folks. Wish me luck!

Oh the moon has come
The day is done
The night has covered up the sun.
I have stood so often before you to pray
But I wonder Allah, tell me, what did I do today?

Did I remember the words of Al-Fatiha?
Did I take time to thank you for all that I have?
Did I call on you to guide my way?
Tell me, what did I do today?

...Did I smile at my brother?
Was I kind to my mother?
Did I teach another something that I know
Or did my love of this world lead me astray?
Tell me, what did I do today?

...Did I use my mind?
Did I use my time?
If I search my heart what will I find?
The light of your guidance is a glimmering ray,
Tell me, what did I do today?

- Dawud Wharnsby Ali, "What Did I Do Today?"

.:When in Dublin:.

Now, I've heard of the rumour that when some researchers in some university tested some banknotes for some scientific study or other (makes you wonder where or indeed what our research grants are going into, seeing as these scientists could actually afford to test bank notes - instead of spending the darned quid on a sandwich or two), they discovered traces of cocaine on the notes.

Now, however, Jonathan Bones of Dublin City University’s National Centre for Sensor Research has apparently found that from a sample of 45 random banknotes, 100% of them had traces of cocaine.

...

Given that Dublin's widely considered as one of the most expensive cities in Europe, it's a wonder anyone can actually afford drugs over here.

Oh and a sidenote, I'm in Dublin right now, in case you haven't figured it out yet, dear Reader.

Ta!

**Some thoughts on why we all need to breathe**

Hey there folks.

I'm trying to fulfill my new years' resolution to update more often, so bear with me while I put my writing hat, so often left untouched over the course of last year, back where it belongs, which is to say, erm.. without overcomplicating things, my big ol noggin.

The year has started off in a crazy way I must say. The first three days back at work in January has resulted in two late night sessions already, and its increasingly looking like I'll have a working Sunday tomorrow, just to finish up my research note by Monday afternoon. Sigh. The crazy things I do for this company. Okay, the bonus makes up for all the suckitude throughout the year, but still...

But enough talking shop. I discovered an interesting thing today. Some of you may know that I was nominated by a friend (Nida, you know who you are!) for a certain award run by a certain women's magazine. Obviously I didn't win (not that it matters... really... *sniff*), but I just realised that the voting page is still up, and my nomination is still there. Feels kinda weird to read what she wrote; brings back a lot of memories.

In truth, I'm glad things happened the way they did. I guess at the end of the day, Allah just wanted me to have something better, someone who actually loved me, instead of an automaton who can't really see the woods for the trees (Sorry, ex-of-mine, didn't mean to lambast you there, but there's really no other way to describe it).

Having said that, I really, really wish I didn't have to go through all that sh*t, the pain of having to disassociate myself from her circle of friends, deleting her emails, burning her crap that had piled up in my room, erasing every trace of a life I had built up in my head. It was unfair, it was cruel, it was heart-rending, not just for myself, but for my friends as well, who could see me go through hell and back again, for the second time in my life.

Why am I going through this? Well, I know a couple of acquaintances who are going through tough times. I can't tell you it doesn't hurt, because it hurts like hell. I can't tell you that you'll feel better tomorrow, because you may feel as shitty tomorrow as you do today. But I can tell you that I've been there before, and I've gone down to the depths of despair, as far down as you are now. Grieve if you must, but just remember that you need to come up to breathe every once in a while.

Oh well. C'est la vie. What goes up, must come down someday. And no one stays down forever, Insya-Allah.